who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
