She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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