Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
