Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I look better un-naked...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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