Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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