I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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