Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
