ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
