In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
