im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
