Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i think my cat just said my name.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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