so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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