whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
