So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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