So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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