After last night, I could never be a politician.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
