We're like a lot better than the average bears
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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