I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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