i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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