my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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