I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
