ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
