I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
