please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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