There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
