I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
