I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
