I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
