Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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