All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
