Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
