Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So much rum. So many feels.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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