those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
