My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
