OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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