Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
