like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
