so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
