I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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