Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
