i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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