Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
