you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
