all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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