I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
