Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
