Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
