I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my shit smells like andre
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
