If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
