I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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