Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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