Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
