it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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