The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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