Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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