Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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