Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
