He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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