I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
