My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
