Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
