I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
